7 Reasons To Use A Swiss Knife-Style Key Holder November 27, 2014 22:00
1. Split rings can split nails.
Not really. Well maybe if you're low in Calcium.
That said, the keyring still is an annoyance. In an age where your phone can launch a missile and cook your meal and join a circus all by itself, the keyring has managed to escape extinction.
Attaching keys shouldn't be an issue.
Using a Swiss knife-style key organizer eliminates this with a spindle. Spindles never get any press.
2. Thighs are great; thigh stabs are bad.
Did you notice that pinching the inner thigh is more painful than the outer thigh ?
This is because the inner surfaces of the body (which are medial to the sagittal plane - if you know what this means you should tell us) have more nerves than the outer surfaces.
A disorganized key bunch in your pocket can stab you for participating in extreme activities - like sitting and standing and stair climbing.
The Keyn on the other hand, likes your thighs. It has a slim profile and will not hurt you.
3. Noisy keys are not ninja-friendly.
Every good ninja knows that announcing your arrival from a quarter mile away is not exactly a strategy of face-melting brilliance.
If you don't want your membership to the ninja club revoked, you need to silence your keys. The Keyn does this well, while also flipping your keys out like a butterfly knife, and adding to the general ninja vibe.
4. With the Keyn, one size fits most.
Strictly speaking, this is true of keyrings too. However, trying to get a thick key on to a keyring takes a long time and you might miss your birthday.
With the Keyn, your keys will quietly line up like English people in a queue.
What's more, the Keyn is designed for Australian keys. Aussie keys are often larger, more tanned, and jingle with a strong accent. This means non-Australian keys should also fit.
5. The Keyn makes you look so cool that people will want to skate on you.
This is based on a scientific study we would've conducted if we had the money for it.
6. Keyrings have no personality. The Keyn looks like an iPhone crossed with a Milkybar.
In addition, the Keyn is made of a hard polymer compound - the kind used in riot police gear. Not only is this badass, it gives you a chance to say riot police, which raises your testosterone by 12%.
7. The Keyn gives purpose to the mysterious 5th denim pocket.
When was the last time you stored something in your denim coin pocket ?
When was the last time you were able to get anything out ?
We tried putting a small blade in, then a chapstick, then some M&Ms.
We never saw any of them again.
Now our jeans has holes and smells funny.
The Keyn has no time for that shit. It launches itself headfirst into your coin pocket, and lodges there rent-free without your jeans being able to do anything about it.
Squatting rent-free reminds us of Tyler Durden in Fight Club, so this somehow makes the Keyn cool.
So there. Seven reasons to take your keys off your keyring for the last time, and get a spiffy little Keyn that oozes the sophistication of Daniel Bond..
..who doesn't seem to need keys.